


But not anymore

by TheCadet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-07
Updated: 2011-10-07
Packaged: 2017-10-24 09:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/261860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCadet/pseuds/TheCadet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just some Eridan sadstuck about his feelings and actions as he neared the end of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But not anymore

He was thankful, almost grateful towards the jade blood for granting him that favour when it was more than unusual for him when troll or human dared to perform any act of kindness to his person; so he had believed, anyway. Every kind act and word must always have a hidden meaning somewhere along the line, that, or he is simply being humoured by those who surround him. He didn’t have much of a care for which it may be. Of course he had always hoped for some genuine respect all along, not because of the blood hierarchy, but some respect as a living, breathing being.

Despite his craving for respect and attention from all who came in contact with him, the only opinion that had ever mattered were the ones that had come from his fellow sea dweller, particularly the heiress to Alternia’s empire. The one whom he used to take pleasure in calling his moirail, but not anymore.

Regardless of all that had happened and whether she should be the one to blame or not, he never held any ill or bitter feelings towards her. He had shocked himself upon learning this stunning revelation; attempting to begin feeling sour for his abandonment as some sort of coping mechanism. But he couldn’t find it within himself to destroy any red romantic feelings for the high blood.

The blood pumping vessel which resides in a troll’s chest is a fragile vessel indeed. He’d often sit alone on his planet, all too alone in their session, staring into the blazing expanse of light to contemplate his feelings. When a troll’s concupiscent feelings aren’t mutual and one is let down, surely they would eventually break down and burn to dust to ride on the breeze and be cast aside as nothing but a foolish reminiscence of pitiable emotions that their past selves had once felt. Could conciliatory feelings be torn away so simply once the vines of the pale quadrant had began their restricting grasp?

And that’s what he had began to think through his days of suffocating loneliness. Perhaps his feelings were as pale as pale could be and he merely felt pangs of burning loyalty to the one whom he used to call his moirail, but not anymore.

From the sidelines he attempted to protect her, thus beginning to see spades for one of the lowest blooded trolls that the caste had to offer. He knew that the low blooded troll and the past empress-to-be were beginning to form a relationship that was becoming painfully, obviously, concupiscent. His jealousy had radiated and constructed into a sentiment of loathing from the moment that the other sea dweller had cut their discussion of relationships short to assist what he had always classed as filth. It was rare that the two high blooded trolls communicated after that day. But he had never stopped daydreaming, assessing, watching from the sidelines with a sense of mourning surrounding his being and sometimes resorted to devouring his seclusion through causing disputes with the mustard blood in any possible way.

They had completed their gaming session. They had failed to collect their prize and they were being hunted down like criminals to law enforcing drones by a face which seemed so strangely familiar yet otherworldly. As the Prince of Hope, he truly did know when all hope was lost. Maybe for the others, but not for himself and perhaps those who stood by him.

He wasn’t sure what was beginning to come over him. This was a blatantly ludicrous plan that could never work and the chances of a bloodthirsty, homicidal beast accepting one so beneath it was null; no force could protect him now, apart from the things that he knew best. And that was when his hopeless lunacy and endless solitude came back to haunt him as well as the others around him. He was becoming his worst enemy and a threat to all of his civilisation and the thought had never began to occur to him.

He was intelligent. His knowledge of the sciences and technology was vast and plentiful to the point where it could have become a large advantage, which would purely loop us back to the beginning as his mind took in each and every note and thought that would pass him by with a small inkling of hope that he would pick up information about the demon from the others. During all of this, he had persuaded the jade blood to make him a wand overflowing with exceedingly lethal power. His excitement had increased exponentially at the chance of becoming more than one who would lurk in the shadows and perhaps become a great and powerful being, comparable to the destiny of which all sea dwelling trolls had written within the stars.

Wand in hand, he approached the high blood who had been conveniently placed by the side of the one he had began to unconditionally loathe for all that had been taken from him. With every step, his chest began to fill with confidence and certainty. He could see the mocking thoughts in the low blood’s expressions as the sea dwellers began to converse, the confident certainly beginning to ebb away and be replaced with a build-up of hatred and wrath. Was it wrong to wish for power and a secure future with the one who had turned him into a perplexed and broken wreckage, but nevertheless as loyal as a barkbeast to it’s human proprietor?

He saw the bitter contempt in her eyes at his proposal, his gut beginning to bubble with the rage that he had kept buried for moons, beginning to feel ridiculed and judged. He didn’t want to hurt the one whom he cared for the most, thus channelling his ire towards the one he despised the most. This couldn’t be comparable to their past disputes; the sea dweller shot to kill. He didn’t expect his significant other to leap at him, trident in hand, devastation burning in her eyes from her apparent loss. He had hardly expected himself to attempt the action of which would later be his primary regret.

His wrist flicked outwards, aiming another shot through the chest of the high blood. Through the chest. Right where she had torn him apart from the inside out, much like her rich blood that began to swell and burst from her singed, grey flesh, pooling on the ground and staining the horns in which she had collapsed into as a clumsy, limp heap.  
He watched the body fall with panic rising in his throat, almost to the point where he could throw up. He saw the jade blood watching with uncertainty as to whether she should flee, but he couldn’t let her get away now. He fired again; destroying the matriorb with a swift blow before taking her out as she instantly attacked at the loss of their future civilisation. It was like watching his once-moirail fall all over again; blood pooling at the front of her shirt and running down her chin as her lips parted in shock and a silent scream before breaking down onto her knees, falling into the coffin of her own jade blood.

The panic increased, and he fled.

He was merely attempting to look out for the ones who displayed an inkling of kindness to him at one time or another. They didn’t listen.

He tried to help.

But not anymore.

He thought that he could escape from the fearful regret that tore through his body. He was ranked second to the top of the blood hierarchy.

But not anymore.

Not as his own blood spilled freely from his limp, lifeless body along with his panic, regrets and sorrow. In two halves; much like his confusion between things that he believed and the sure things that he should have taken as a priority.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to write this as something to get me going on this site, considering I do want to write a lot more actual stories which will likely be exclusively Homestuck. c:


End file.
